I understand there are 24 hours in a day but to be wrapping up October seems surreal. My annual college roommate reunion arrives late this year. Our annual gathering of the five serves a variety of purposes. The obvious one is a time to catch up on life. The others are not as obvious. I thought I would share how 5 idiots from varied backgrounds have remained close friends for 34 years.
-
We make effort to share what we have learned from the previous year. I mention this not to be redundant but all of us represent various parts of the professional world. In addition to that, all of us are lifelong learners focused on independent projects and heterogeneous interests depending on where we are in life. Having a set aside time to share what we are learning keeps us motivated to come prepared. LESSON: Life changes so change with it and keep yourself as up on new stuff.
-
We make an effort to be honest in our interactions. Three of us have kids and two of us are lifelong bachelors. My two single friends are gobsmacked by my challenges with my relationships. One of them lost his brother and mother this year so he has been carrying the weight of these losses in 2025. They are consistently asking me how I navigate the losses. Once again, I can’t emphasize enough that in a group of trusted people who love you for the idiot you were at 18, unloading sadness while asking if these decisions are logical provides a floor when you are sinking. LESSON: Advice should be earned.
-
We make an effort to not be judgmental jerks. All of us have strong opinions so this area of our relationship has been strained at times. We assume that the other friends ebb and flow in self-awareness so we are usually extra judicious about throwing our opinions around. We see our friendships as a long-term investment with certain years of deficit and certain years of huge return however when combined a net high rate of return can be recovered after 34 years. LESSON: Don’t demand the return of your investment too soon in friendships sometimes the dividends are paid when you need them most.
-
We respect each other. Each one of us has our unique challenges and backgrounds. Each of us question the other’s choices but in the end we show up regardless of our individual bias. We show up because the world has enough opinions. What the world lacks are safe ports. We grab the lines and anchor the ship when the seas are stormy or calm. With us, the questions aren’t why but what do you need. LESSON: Fair weather friends aren’t worth anything as soon as you discover that is who they are dump them overboard.
-
We assume that the others talk about the one not on the call. How do you approach someone who lost their brother and mother? How do you contact a friend who has lost his wife? No one does a great job of interacting in these situations, so you request counsel from the idiot board of supervisors to test waters, run ideas by and nominate who is going to reach out first. This is a strong tactic for all of us to have faith that the other four are trying to figure it out. LESSON: Don’t go it alone when uncharted waters are encountered.
Albert R. Hartley
Fact-based news without bias awaits. Make 1440 your choice today.
Overwhelmed by biased news? Cut through the clutter and get straight facts with your daily 1440 digest. From politics to sports, join millions who start their day informed.