My late father had a recurring criticism or observation of my life. He used to say that I had too many options. I have never been clear on why that was a bad thing, but I have always been claustrophobic about constraints.
I never wanted to be “stuck” for lack of a better term. I would not join a fraternity in college because I could get “stuck” with frat brothers that I did not choose. My current closest friends have been chosen. The idea of being forced to accept other people’s choices for my life never made much sense to me. I wish I could take that feeling of being smothered turn it around and avoid hurting myself in order to get free. I turned down a job out of law school because I knew that following someone else’s orders would end badly. Freedom ain’t free as they say. Is there a point where sacrifice is not worth it? Those close to me have accused me of being oppositional defiant. I get giddy when I see my girls choose their own freedom versus going along to get along. One of my kids is nicknamed, Honey Badger and the other’s names mean “strong and mighty one.” So, this is a family trait that I am pleased to have been a contributor.
If given the choice between a switch or a wrench I will choose the wrench just like Matt Damon. I prefer to ignore the opportunity costs that have piled up from this behavior. My best friend, who knows me better than anyone, has stated that the quickest way to get me to say no is to require a yes. I know rationally that this is a form of self-harm but I prefer to think of it as a constant bet on myself. You can think of it as a perpetual doubling down on my ability to create something from nothing. Why accept someone else’s determination of my life? If I can wriggle free or avoid the noose altogether then I can survive.
My dad never understood that for me choice is freedom. The more choices the more freedom.
Albert R. Hartley
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